Troll so hard: Bashing the Royals – 2005 Style

Here we go again.


Another September full of meaningless games and Royals losses.

Every night they take the field to once again play out the string in games that have no bearing on the division. They sure do play like it too. Bad defense, horrific pitching, anemic offense….just another Royals September.

Usually, the September callups provide some source of optimism, and Paulo Orlando is providing a little bit of excitement by hitting .400 and having a 1.250 OPS in 20 AB’s during the month. Cheslor Cuthbert is also doing a fine job and sports an OPS over 1.000 himself for September in limited AB.

They offer a bit of hope and optimism that maybe next year will be the year.

This year? Well…Dayton Moore has once again traded away our good players for the likes of pitchers like Johnny Cueto. Cueto has now racked up now games with the Royals, and they are 2-7 during games in which he has pitched. He has a 5.43 ERA and has managed to allow 5 or more runs in 4 of his last 5 starts, where he sports a 9.57 ERA, allowing 28 ER in 26.1 IP, with 48 hits, 8 HR with 20 strikeouts and four walks.

Cueto finds himself anchoring a starting rotation of castoffs, misfits and loveable losers as only one of the bunch has managed an ERA+ higher than league average, that being Edinson Volquez, who last night needed 100 pitches, allowing four runs, to get through give innings in a failed attempt to pitch consecutive quality starts for the first time since August 5, in an 8-3 loss – the Royals eight in 10 games (as part of a 4-9 September). Collectively they have managed to accumulate an ERA of 6.46 in the month of September. An impressive feat.

The Royals once again have proven they do not care about winning by rolling with the geriatric likes of Jeremy Guthrie and Chris Young. Hoping they can squeeze out some innings and save a buck with the aging veterans.

Sure, they have young flame thrower Yordano Ventura but he is having an incredibly disappointing season himself and currently sits with a 4.42 ERA. He was nearly demoted earlier this season, only being spared when one of the Royals decent players mercifully blew out his arm so he could be away from the horror. It probably wont matter anyway. Ventura will be out the door soon enough for some “major league ready” talent that the front office can spin as the “Our Time” gang or something.

The first brain child of Dayton Moore, Luke Hochevar, still resides on the roster, and they have rewarded his stellar contributions of an over 5.00 career ERA with a nice extension. If at first the player you drafted sucks, pay him more and try again. Dayton may not be the best GM, but he sure ain’t no quitter.

The bullpen sits in shambles with Kelvin Herrera coming down with a disease that causes him to throw cheese down the middle of the plate. Luckily he throws it hard so the home runs are quite impressive for the fans.

Greg Holland WISHES he could find the middle of the plate, and has begun modeling his pitching style after Bruce Chen, hoping to mix in high 70’s heat with the deceptive ability of being unable to hit the broadside of a barn.

The once solid Royals closer now sits in the lower third of all relievers in MLB over 40 innings and will increase his salary of $8.25 million through arbitration this offseason. Nothing screams small market efficiency like using up 10% of your payroll on a bottom third reliever.

We had one reliever besides Wade Davis who was managing to stay below a 2.00 ERA in Jason Frasor, so the front office decided to just designate him for assignment in August. Its a good thing too, had to make sure there would be room for Joba Chamberlain to come up and toss innings of 21.60 ERA baseball. Fans love offense.

On the offensive side of the ball, the Royals have managed to play one of the worst offensive players in the history of the game nearly every day through the end of August. Omar Infante made a decent run at the championship, but he had too much to overcome in former Royals players blocking his way on the All-Time Worst list.

Infante of course was brought in by Dayton on a nice big 4-year contract, so he can have another crack at it next year because as stated above, if your guy sucks then play him more. The only real question isn’t why is he playing, but why hasn’t Ned had him leading off yet?

 Salvador Perez has begun hitting with his eyes closed, which may actually help improve his plate discipline. His OPS+ by season — 128, 115, 105, 92, 87. The good news is, he is trending the same direction as the rest of this team…except for Omar Infante. He can’t trend any lower.

Cleanup hitter Eric Hosmer is doing his part by hitting .223/.311/.255 in his last 26 games. At least he is making up for that with 0 home runs during that stretch, hitting his last one on August 14.

Dayton Moore also made a decision in the offseason to replace a guy who was effective on offense and defense in Nori Aoki with a guy who….well it’s Alex Rios. Rios has been the biggest supporter of Omar Infante continuing to play ever day. With Infante’s historic levels of ineptitude providing a smoke screen, Rios was able to stay under the radar with his .259/.292/.349 line.

To showcase this production of sucktitude, Ned Yost decided to ATTEMPT (he sets a very high bar) to do the dumbest thing he possibly could and bat Alcides Escobar at leadoff. Maybe it was an attempt to take Royals fans minds off of all the OTHER dumb things he was about to do. Perched at the top of the order, receiving more at bats than any other player on the team, Yost inserted a .255/.292/.316 batter.

In terms of getting on base, he did it at the third worst clip on the team, which is really saying something considering how deep the Royals are in players who refuse to get on base.

For yet another season, Dayton Moore has managed to assemble a collection of bad players at high prices simply so Ned could misuse the hell out of them.

The Royals sport the lowest walk percentage in all of baseball. They have the fifth fewest home runs. They are 12th in the AL in ERA and 11th in the AL in strikeouts per 9 innings.

We Royals fans should be used to this by now. Bad players, no will to win, bad fundamentals and poor coaching…..maybe next year.



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